My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
