i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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