you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize