i already hear my dad disowning me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
