It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
