An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
