Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize