I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize