her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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