Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize