I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
