He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
