Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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