Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
