I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize