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You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
