Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
