the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
