Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
