I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
