What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
