Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize