I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
