She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
