Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize