a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
