highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
