Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
