I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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