Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize