ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
