Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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