hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
