I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we're making bets on your personal life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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