He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
