What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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