Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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