Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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