I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
