She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
