google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
