Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
