If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
