So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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