He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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