I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
