I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
