Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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