I wannas sexs uuuuu
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
