You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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