Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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