your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
