Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
