He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
