My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
