dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
