i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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