Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
