Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
