Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
