You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize