Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
