he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
