Girls should come with a carfax report
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
