ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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