Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
