Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
