I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
