but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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