Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
