You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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