I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Panties = found
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
