i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
