ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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