Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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