that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
