If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
