I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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