i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
