capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
