Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Houston, we have a blender
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
