Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
