Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
