grandma shit on top of the toilet
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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