dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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