I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
