I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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