1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
