I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
