it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
