i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Randomize