His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
