Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
