Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
