Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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