I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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