Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
