Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
