The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
