hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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