it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
