i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
