I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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